Vanilla
by purplepagoda
Summary: While on a stakeout, Frost probes Jane about her nickname, Vanilla. Where did it come from? What is the story behind it? He expects a simple, boring answer. He is left with more questions, than answers. The whole truth, paints a picture of a darker time.
1. Vanilla

They're sitting in her car, on a stake out. At this point it's nearly three a.m., and they've been in her car since dark. He stares out the window, and then he looks over, at her.

"Jane, can I ask you something?"

"What's that, Frost?"

"It's something that's really been bothering me," he admits.

"Then ask," she tells him.

"How did you get the nickname, Vanilla?"

"Feel better, now?" she questions.

"No. You didn't answer me."

"But you got it off your chest, that has to be a relief."

"It would be a relief, if you would tell me how you got the nickname Vanilla."

Jane looks out the driver's side window. She squirms, in her seat. She looks every direction, but at him.

"I'm waiting," he reminds her, drumming his fingers on the dashboard.

"Not going to happen," she reveals.

"Why not?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Why not? How bad could it be?"

"No comment," she recuses herself.

"I'm just going to start guessing."

"You will never guess."

"If I do, will you tell me?"

"No," she shakes her head, and begins to nervously twirl her hair.

"Is it because you're so plain. Plain Jane, like vanilla."

"No," she shakes her head, and rolls her eyes.

"Because you're such a white girl?"

"No."

"Because you were a regular at an ice cream shop, where you never gave your name, so they only knew you by what you ordered?"

"No."

"Am I getting warmer?"

"No. You'll never guess."

"You're stripper name," he giggles.

"Ok, enough coffee, for you," she takes his cup from him.

He looks at her, and notices her cheeks are bright red. He realizes that he's struck a nerve.

"Jane?"

"How did your parents come up with the name Barry? I mean did they think that you would come out looking like a blueberry, or something."

"Don't change the subject," he warns.

"Don't press your luck," Jane counters.

"I don't see what the big deal is. I am your partner. I need to know what's up, if I'm going to have your back all the time. If you have any deep dark secrets, you should tell me now."

"Drop it, Frost."

"Were you a stripper in a past life, or something? Did someone mistake you for a stripper?"

"Hardly."

"Then what is the story behind the name? I'm sure that it can't be as bad as the story I'm picturing in my head, right now."

"I am sure that it's worse."

"Worse, how could it be worse?"

"Let me ask you something, have you ever been to my apartment?" she inquires.

"You know that I have."

"Have you ever seen any candles at my apartment?"

"No," he admits, "What does this have to do with candles."

"Have you ever known me to wear perfume?"

"On rare occasions. Usually the scent you wear is ode to sweat, and decaying corpse. It's a lovely smell," he jokes.

"There is a reason I don't."

"Which is what?"

"I don't want to talk about it," she grits her teeth.

"Does Korsak know?"

"No. He doesn't know. Nobody knows, and I would like to keep it that way."

He looks at her. She avoids looking at him. She stares at her nails, as if there is dirt under them.

"Just tell me."

"I hate the smell of vanilla."

"Traumatic experience?" he guesses, blindly.

"Very."

"Tell me about it."

"You couldn't pay me enough."

"Please," he begs.

She looks into his big brown, puppy dog eyes. She feels herself being pulled in.

"Frost, I don't think that it's a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because you can't tell anyone."

"Why not?"

"Because I will kill you."

The smile on his face fades quickly, as he realizes just how serious she is. "I won't tell anyone," he promises.

"You will want to."

"I won't tell anyone, I swear."

"Frost, I can't trust you to keep that promise."

"You trust me with your life, but you don't trust me enough to keep the secret of how you got the nickname, Vanilla? Really?"

"It's not as simple as you think."

"Just tell me."

"You'll judge me."

"No, I won't. I never have," he replies, sincerely.

"You really expect me to believe that, with some of the situations that we've been in?"

"I respect you. You're a hell of a cop. I don't judge you. Just tell me how you got the name."

"Don't laugh."

"I won't laugh."

"If you laugh I'll shoot you with your own gun, and make it look like an accident."

"Fair enough. Just tell me."

"I had to come up with a nickname."

"For what purpose?"

"I am not going to answer that. Just listen."

"Ok," he nods, in agreement.

"I had to come up with a nickname. I was running out of time. At the last minute, my boyfriend at the time suggested it."

"Why is that such a secret?"

"You don't know the whole story."

"How bad can it be? Why would you keep it a secret."

"It was the last time that I saw him alive. That is all I care to say about it," she reveals.

His eyes widen. He stares at her, imploring her for further explanation. His eyes plead with her. She stares at him. He looks into her eyes, and sees something that she rarely allows him to see. Regret, and insecurity. He swallows hard, knowing that he should end it there, but he pushes her, instead.


	2. Exotic Dancer?

"You know, Vanilla, would be a good stripper name," he prods.

"I am well aware."

"You are?" he looks at her. He waits for the punch line, but there is none. She stares out the window, with a look of seriousness, in her eyes.

"So that's your stripper name?" he chuckles.

"Frost can we not do this?"

"Are you serious?"

"About what?"

"Is Vanilla your stripper name? Are you a stripper?" He questions her, relentlessly.

"No. Now stop interrogating me," Jane warns.

"No, to which part?"

"Does it matter?"

"Don't act bitter. Just tell me the story, and I'll leave you alone."

"I have told you, I don't want to talk about it," she adds.

"Please," Frost begs.

"Fine," she exhales, knowing that he won't give up, until she answers.

"Thank you."

"I went undercover, for a while."

"You've been undercover a million times."

"Yeah, well this was different."

"Because?"

"It was the only time I have ever gone undercover as a stripper."

"What does that entail, exactly? Going undercover as a stripper. Are we talking undercover for a day, or..."

She shakes her head. She rubs her eyes. She takes a sip of her room temperature coffee. She swallows. "Fifteen months."

"You are one of the least coordinated people that I know. How did you ever convince anyone that you were a stripper. I mean you would have had to..."

"I did," she reveals.

"You did. Did, what?"

"I was a stripper. Going undercover as a stripper means that..." she trails off.

"Are you pulling my leg?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"So you were really a stripper?"

"I wasn't."

"Your alter-ego was?" He furrows his brow in confusion.

"I think the more appropriate term is exotic dancer," she corrects him.

"Where, and when were you an exotic dancer?"

"It doesn't matter, does it? It was a lifetime ago."

"Were you a pole dancer? Or..."

"Why are you so curious?"

"I'm just trying to picture it."

She shoots him a look.

"I mean... why did you have to pose as a stripper? What circumstances were you in, that the only person you could be, was a stripper?"

"For a case," she responds, as if it is a ridiculous question.

"Were you any good?"

"Is that a serious question?"

"Yes," he nods.

"If I didn't have a good moral compass, I would probably still be doing it," Jane admits.

"What? Why?"

"Because I made a hell of a lot more money doing that, than I make doing this."

"How much more?"

"I would make in one night, what I make in a month," she figures.

"You're joking, right?"

"No," Jane shakes her head.

"You were that good?"

"I don't like to talk about it," she tells him.

"Why not?"

"Because it ended badly, very badly."

"You're going to have to walk me through it," he insists.

She rolls her eyes, and begins to think back.

* * *

><p><em>July 23rd, 1998<em>

_Her captain drops a file on her desk. She looks up, at him, in confusion._

_"There's your big break," he beams._

_"Excuse me?"_

_"You're going undercover. Memorize the file, be ready to go by nine a.m., tomorrow."_

_"Going undercover where? As what? With who?"_

_"The where is in the file."_

_"And the rest."_

_"Is up to you."_

_"You're kidding right?"_

_"No. Oh, and by the way, I hope that you aren't afraid to perform in front of crowds of people."_

_"Perform, as what?"_

_"A dancer."_

_"I don't dance."_

_"Learn, quick."_

_"What kind of dancing?" she raises an eyebrow._

_"Dancing of the exotic variety."_

_"This is a joke, right?"_

_"Nope. Learn your cover, because you're going to be under until the job is done."_

_She rolls over, in bed, that night. She finds her boyfriend staring at her. He kisses her._

_"What's on your mind?" he asks._

_"I'm going undercover."_

_"Ok."_

_"I don't know for how long."_

_"I'll be here, when you get back."_

_"Don't make promises, that you can't keep."_

_"What are you going undercover as?"_

_"A stripper," she mutters under her breath._

_"A stripper? Jane, that's funny."_

_"I'm serious."_

_"Oh."_

_"I need a stage name."_

_"How about Vanilla?" he suggests._

_"Vanilla? Why?"_

_"Because your kisses are sweet, like vanilla frosting," he smiles. His lips linger centimeters from hers._


	3. Everything You Need To Know

"Were you being serious, when you said that you never saw him alive, again?"

"Yes," she nods in confirmation.

"Was he sick?"

"No. He was executed."

"By who?"

"It doesn't matter," she looks away.

"You blame yourself," he guesses.

"It was my fault."

"Why?"

"Because it was."

"Jane..." he tries to reason with her.

"What happens undercover, stays undercover."

"What happened?"

"I told you, things ended badly."

"We have all had missions that blew up in our faces."

"This was different. This was the biggest mess I've ever made."

"It can't be that bad."

"I assure you, it is."

"How bad?"

"Bad."

"Worse than Hoyt?"

"By far," she admits.

"How can it be worse, than that?"

"You weren't there."

"Take me there."

She shakes her head. She stares out her window. She looks up, at the night sky. It taunts her.

* * *

><p><em>July 25th, 1998<em>

_She checks her clothes in the mirror. Her new apartment, in a new neighborhood. She tucks her gun into her purse. Tonight, not even a gun will make her feel safe. Not in this neighborhood. She walks out the door, locking the door behind herself._

_She opens the door to the club. Employees put down chairs, and wipe off tables. The bar tender polishes some glasses. She moves towards the bar. The bartender stops, when she reaches his counter._

_"Can I help you?" he asks in a thick Boston accent._

_"I'm looking for you manager."_

_"You here for a job?"_

_"Yes," she smacks her gum._

_He motions, "Follow me."_

_She follows him down a hallway. He stops at the door, at the end of the hallway. The door is open. The bartender knocks on the door frame._

_"Mister Bennett?"_

_"Tony?"_

_"She's here for a job," he reveals._

_"Thanks Tony."_

_The bartender walks away. Jane stands, frozen in the doorway. The heavy dark haired man motions her in._

_"Have a seat," he tells her._

_"Ok," she nods._

_"I'm James Bennett. Who are you?"_

_"Jane Brooks," she lies._

_"And what can I do for you?"_

_"I need a job."_

_"I see. Do you have any experience?"_

_"Not exactly."_

_"Do you have any kids?" is his next question._

_"No," she shakes her head._

_"You're hired," he tells her._

_"But I..."_

_"You've got a pretty face, and a nice body, from what I can see. That's all I need to know. I'll introduce you to Lucia, she'll show you everything you need to know."_

* * *

><p>"Jane?" he nudges her.<p>

"Huh?"

"Are you still with me?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"Where did you go?"

"A place that I never should have gone, in the first place."

"Tell me," he pleads.

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me what happened?"

"Life happened."

"Jane, just tell me. What is it going to hurt?"

"You don't need to know everything about me."

"No, but I just wish that you would open up to me, more."

"Don't get all sappy on me," she warns.

"Jane..."

She rubs her hands. His lips tighten into a smile.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Nothing," he lies.

"Really?"

"You always give yourself away. When something is on your mind you start rubbing your hands."

"I..."

"It's ok. You're only human. You do know that, right? You're not a superhero."

"Believe me, I know. I am only human, and that is all I'm ever going to be."

"You sound disappointed."

"Super powers would have come in handy a couple of times."

"I don't think that he's coming."

"What?"

"Our perp."

"Oh."

"Who did you think that I was talking about?"

"No one," she shakes her head.

"Why won't you talk about this one?" he calls her to the mat.

"It hurts too much," she replies, in a moment of weakness.

"Why?"

"Someone died."

"That happens all the time, in our line of work. We lose people that we're close to."

"This was different."

"Why?"

She chokes back tears. She doesn't make eye contact. Finally she responds, "When they found his body, he had an engagement ring in his pocket. He waited. He was going to propose."

"You loved him?" Frost makes the realization.

All she can do is nod. The floodgates open. Frost reaches for her. She resists. He pushes hair out of her face. She allows him to hug her. She buries her face in his shirt. After a few seconds she lets go. She resituates herself, in her seat. She wipes the tears off her face, with the heel of her hand.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have subjected you to that."

"Jane I am your partner. I may not always do the right thing, but there are some things that remain constant. I will have your back on your best day, and on your worst," he reassures her.

"You have no idea how much that means to me."

"We should probably get out of here, before either of us get any goofier," he suggests.

"You aren't a fan of the sentimental bs going on right now?"

"Not particularly."


	4. Irresistible

She sits in her kitchen, alone, after a long shower. She stares down the bottle. She takes a few drinks. Her phone glares at her, from it's spot on the counter, next to her. She picks up the phone, and dials a familiar number.

"Hello?"

"Are you asleep?"

"No. You?"

"That's why I'm calling."

"What do you need?"

"I don't need anything."

"What do you want?"

"I've had a couple of drinks, and I'm ready to spill."

"Oh, is that all it takes?"

"If you want to come over, there will be booze involved."

"Be there in ten."

Exactly ten minutes later he's knocking at her door. She answers the door in her pajamas. He steps into the apartment. He follows her through the living room, into the kitchen. She holds out a clean glass.

"You want some?"

"I have to drive home."

She hoists herself onto the counter. He examines the bottle. He takes note of the bottle in the trash can.

"Jane, how much have you had to drink?"

"Not enough."

"And how do you measure that?"

"I never drink enough to forget."

"Never?"

"I always pass out first."

"Did you drink all of this, since I left?"

"Yes," she admits.

He shakes his head, and takes her bottle. He dumps it into the sink. She shakes her head.

"Oh, Frost. For a cop, you're so naive."

"Why do you say that?"

Jane turns around. She sits on her knees, on the counters. She opens the counter, and pulls out a new bottle, from the back of the cabinet.

"There's always more."

"I've never seen you this smashed."

"Don't feel special."

"Do you always drink this much?"

"Yes," she answers.

He stares at in confusion. He tries to figure her out.

"Frost, I'm an alcoholic."

He furrows his brow.

"Don't worry, I'm good at hiding it. It never affects the job. Well, almost never."

"Jane, why are you..."

"An alcoholic? You said that you wanted the story, so I'll give it to you. Have a seat," she points to the counter."

"I'll stand," he folds his arms across his chest.

"It started innocently enough, I guess."

* * *

><p><em>October 31st, 1998<em>

_She's spent the entire night in front of horny men, half dressed. She pulls on her clothes, and leaves the dressing room. The bartender stops her on her way out._

_"Night, Jane," he waves._

_"Night, Tony."_

_"Long night, huh?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"A touchy group."_

_"Yeah," she agrees._

_"You need a couple of rounds, to drown your sorrows?"_

_"Sure," she takes a seat at the bar._

_He puts three shot glasses in front of her. He fills them up, and watches as she downs them. _

_"Thanks.""You good?"_

_"I needed that, thanks."_

_"There's always more where that came from. You know what the boss man says."_

_"'I don't care how much you drink, on, or off the clock. Raid the bar, I don't care, just as long as your bringing in business.' He's insane."_

_"He's smart. He makes enough here, but..."_

_"But?" Jane's cops instincts kick in._

_"But this is just a front."_

_"A front? What are you talking about?"_

_"If you want to make some more money, ask him about the blue light special."_

_"The blue light special, like K-mart?"_

_"Not quite."_

_"What exactly is the blue light special?"_

_"You're going to need more liquor."_

_"Ok, hit me," she agrees._

_He pours three more shots. She downs each one of them. When she's finished she looks at him, in anticipation._

_"It's kind of like a combo meal."_

_"A combo meal? What are you talking about?"_

_"Booze, drugs, and pretty girls."_

_"I've never seen..." she begins._

_"Why do you think that we're closed on Tuesdays?"_

_"I never really thought about it."_

_"That is blue light special night. He chalks the traffic up, to boys poker night, but the real action is happening upstairs."_

_"I've never been upstairs."_

_"You interested?"_

_"What do I have to do?"_

_"Look pretty, and shake some ass. The money is good."_

_"How good?"_

_"He charges 50k a head."_

_"A head?" her eyes widen._

_"For each girl that a VIP wants, he charges 50K."_

_"And what does 50K, buy, exactly?"_

_"Endless booze, some coke, and a girl."_

_"What are expected of the girls?"_

_"Dance, until they pass out."_

_"That's it, just dance?"_

_"Yep."_

_"And how much does it pay?"_

_"He gives each girl ten percent of the cut."_

_"And all you're expected to do is dance?"_

_"Yep. You interested?"_

_"I don't know."_

_"Think about it, because someone is trying to send you upstairs."_

_She furrows her brow, "Who?"_

_"The boss."_

_"Are you serious? I've only been here for two months."_

_"I know. He likes you, a lot. You make him a lot of money."_

_"And if I say no?"_

_"It's upstairs, or out the door."_

_"I see."_

* * *

><p>He stares at her in disbelief. She stares at he floor.<p>

"So what that all that was entailed? Just dancing?"

"No one has ever made five thousand dollars a client, just for dancing. Touching is not prohibited."

"So you would just do one private showing a night?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"On a good night I would do three. Once I did five."

"So as strippers come..."

"You can't afford me," she giggles.

"You won't give me a private show, out of courtesy?" he jokes.


	5. More To The Story

She wakes up, with a splitting headache. She rolls over, and hits the blaring alarm clock. She rubs her eyes. She looks around the room. She finds that there are clothes everywhere. She finds herself tangled in sheets. She carefully untangles herself, and quickly realizes that she's naked.

She pulls the sheet back over herself, and face plants in her pillow. _What did I do, last night? Better yet, who?_ She asks herself. She closes her eyes, in attempt to go back to sleep. Before she can get comfortable her phone is ringing. She struggles to finds the phone, with her hand. She grabs the phone off the night stand.

"Rizzoli," she answers, "Ok, I'll be there in ten, or fifteen," she responds. She hands up the phone.

She rolls in, and out of the shower. She pulls on the first decent outfit that she can find. The definition of decent, of course, simply equivalent to clean. She grabs her keys, and her phone, and heads to the crime scene. When she arrives her partner presents her with a cup of coffee.

When she finally arrives at the precinct Frost insists on riding the elevator with her. Korsak, on a health kick, takes the stairs, leaving Jane, and Barry alone on the elevator. The doors close, she looks at her partner.

"So..."

"So?"

"Frost?"

"Yeah?"

"What happened last night?"

"Nothing," he lies.

"Did we..."

"Did we what?" he questions.

"Sleep together?"

"No. We did not. I was not drinking, although in all fairness, you had enough for both of us."

"Sorry. So what happened?"

"You told me all kinds of things."

"I don't remember."

"I can see that. How does your head feel?"

"It's fine," she lies.

"You're good at hiding it."

"Just tell me what I did last night, so I can apologize."

"We didn't sleep together."

"Why did I wake up naked?"

"You had no help from me."

"Then how did I end up that way?"

"You showed me your skills."

"My skills, what skills?"

"The one that involves taking off all your clothes."

"No," she shakes her head, "I didn't."

"You did."

Her cheeks turn bright red. The elevator doors open.

"If you..." she begins.

"I won't tell anyone," he promises.

"Tell anyone, what?" Maura questions as he walks past her.

"Don't worry about it," Jane insists.

"About what?" Maura inquires.

"Nothing!" Jane exclaims.

"I was just coming to talk to you."

"You have something for me, already?"

"Yes. You should bring Frost, too."

"Hold on," she wags her finger. She dials Frost's phones.

She can hear Frost's ringtone, from the squad room. His phone blares, _I'm In Love With A Stripper._ Jane quickly hangs up. The elevator doors open, and she climbs in.

"Come on," she motions for Maura.

"Aren't we waiting for Frost?"

"I'll tell him about it later."

"Why are you being so weird?"

"Don't ask," Jane warns.

"Jane, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Really? You seem incredibly irritable today."

"I'm fine."

"Is it..."

"No," she shakes her head, "It's not."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"No. I would not like to talk about it."

"Right now?"

"Ever," Jane clarifies.

Several hours later Frost finds his partner at the Dirty Robber. He slides onto the booth, across from her. She ignores him, staring at her drink. He drums his thumbs on the table.

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same," she answers.

"I'm here to see you."

"Are you checking up on me now?"

"Frankly, yes."

"I do not need you to check up on me."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Frost, I am a grown woman. I have a gun, and a badge, I can take care of myself."

"I'm not worried about other people bothering you, Jane."

"Frost, please, just drop it."

"Drop it? How can I drop it? After last night, there is no way."

"I'm fine."

"I don't buy that, not for a second."

"Why not?"

"Because the person I saw last night, that's not you."

"Frost you would be surprised about how little you really know about me."

"I know that you're a good person, who makes bad decisions sometimes. I know that you pretend things don't bother you, but they do. You let things eat at you, until you can't handle them anymore. Wouldn't it be easier just to deal with things?"

"You have no idea."

"Maybe, because you're leaving out part of the story."

"Really, what makes you think that?"

"I know you. Whether or not, you want to admit it, I know you, better than anyone. I know that you would never tell me all of that, unless you were trying to shut me up, and get me off your case."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because the part you're not telling me is even bigger, even worse."

"How could anything be worse than what I've already told you?"

"I don't know, just let me in."

"Why?"

"I am your partner, why don't you trust me? What are you afraid of?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

"Everyone I ever let get close to me ends up hurt, or dead," she answers as the bartender brings her a drink.


	6. More Secrets

He looks over at her, as she stares into her glass. She waits for him to say something, but he says nothing. She kills the silence.

"You know, Frost, there are a lot of things that you don't know about me."

"Like what?" Frost wonders.

"If you only know."

"I think you've had enough," he tells her, as she motions for the bartender.

She looks at him, with big, dark eyes. She exhales, "Fine," she agrees.

"Why don't I give you a ride home?"

"If you insist."

She pays her tab, and follows him out of the bar. The car ride to her apartment is silent. When he pulls up to the curb instead of letting her out, he locks the doors. She looks over at him, completely unfazed.

"Jane, talk to me."

"You don't want to hear this," she tells him.

"Try me."

"There are a lot of mistakes from that year that I would like to take back," she admits.

"For example?"

_Thanksgiving 1998, _

_She finds herself at the club. It's not open yet, but she sits behind the bar, drinking. The bartender leans up against the counter, next to her. She sits on the counter, with her long legs crossed. She smiles at him. _

_"Your favorite client is coming in tonight."_

_"Who would that be?" she wonders._

_"Prince charming," he answers._

_"He only thinks that he's a prince, no one else does."_

_"He has enough money to be one."_

_"I guess. At least he's easy on the eyes."_

_"That's all? I've seen you looking at him. You like him."_

_"I have to look, it's my job."_

_"But it's different, when you look at him."_

_"No, it's not," she lies._

_"You're falling for him," he accuses._

_"Tony, I'm not looking for anyone, or anything."_

_"The word is that he's looking for a wife."_

_"And that he's into some pretty shady deals. I think that I'll pass."_

_"He can take care of you."_

_"How?"_

_"He's not as bad as you think."_

_"How would you know?'"He's a lot nicer than you think."_

_"Uh huh."_

_"He's a decent guy. I think he's an accountant."_

_"I don't ask. I don't care. As long as they pay, it doesn't matter to me."_

_"You should give him a chance."_

_"Why are you pushing this?"_

_"He's been bending my ear. He wanted me to convince you."_

_"Convince me to what?"_

_"Give him a chance."_

_She rolls her eyes. _

_He's her only client for the night. He comes in the door, and makes a beeline for her. He finds waiting on him. He flips on the lights in the private room. She stares at him, puzzled. He moves towards her, with a bouquet. _

_"Chase what are you doing?" she raises an eyebrow._

_"Come on, it's thanksgiving, you shouldn't be at work. You should be with family."_

_"I don't have any," she lies._

_"Then you should be with someone who cares about you."_

_"Like who?"_

_"Me. Come on, let me buy you dinner."_

_"And then what do you expect to happen?"_

_"I expect you to give me a chance."_

_"To what? I don't sleep with clients."_

_"Take me off your client list," he tells her._

_"Chase..."_

_"One chance is all I ask."_

_"Fine," she agrees._

Frost stares at her, listening intently. He looks at her questioningly.

"And then what?"

"And then... I don't want to talk about it."

"Please," he begs.

"Why do you care."

"Because I care about you," he admits.

"It's a long story."

"I've got nothing but time," he adds.

"Then you might as well come up," she tells him.

He nods, in agreement, and unlocks the car door.

When she wakes up the following morning, she has a splitting headache. She finds Frost asleep, at the foot of her bed. She kicks him, hard.

"Why are you in my bed?"

"You went to get a shower, and you told me that if I waited you would tell me the story, and I guess I fell asleep. Don't you remember that?"

"No," she admits.

"How much did you drink last night?"

"Who knows," she shrugs.

"Enough to make you forget?"

"I've never drank that much," she tells him.

"So tell me," he implores her.

"Fine," she agrees.

_Black Friday, 1998_

_She opens her eyes, and looks around the room. She reminds herself that she's still undercover. She rolls over, not ready to wake up. She rolls into a warm, naked body, under the covers. She reopens her eyes, and stares at the face of the man in her bed._

_"Chase?"_

_"Morning, beautiful."_

_"What happened last night?"_

_"We decided that I am no longer going to be your client."_

_"When did we decide that?"_

_"On our way back here," he answers._

_She looks around the room, and realizes that she's not in her apartment, any longer. He notices the puzzled look on her face._

_"We're at my place."_

_"It looks like a pent house suite," she adds._

_"Close enough," he smiles, devilishly. _


	7. Tip Of The Iceburg

"The thing about it is, things are never what they seem. I assumed that he was interested in me..."

"Because of your body?" Frost finishes.

"But that was not true."

"He was interested in your mind?"

"He was interested in me, because of my job."

"He was into strippers?"

"He was interested in what I knew about the way the business operated."

"Why?"

"I'll get to that."

_Black Friday 1998,_

_She looks at him. She remembers the man she has waiting at home, and her heart begins to ache. She pulls the sheet up to her chin._

_"Look, this was a mistake, it can't happen again."_

_"Jane, I'm a good guy."_

_"I'm sure that you are, but I'm not interested."_

_"Why not? Did I do something wrong."_

_She sighs in frustration, "Why are all men so self-centered? Not everything has to do with you."_

_"Ok, why aren't you interested?"_

_"There is someone else."_

_"Where?"_

_"It's a long, complicated story."_

_"Where is he?"_

_"He's far away."_

_"So you're pining away for him?"_

_"If that's what you want to call it."_

_"You must really love him."_

_"I do," she admits._

_"I'm not going to give up."_

_"I've got to go," she scrambles to collect her clothes. _

_February 25th 1999-_

_Jane is getting ready to leave. She heads out the door, onto the sidewalk. A car pulls up, to the curb. She walks on past. It honks at her, and the window rolls down. _

_"It's awfully chilly out, you want a ride."_

_She moves towards the car, recognizing the driver. She stops when she reaches the window._

_"I haven't seen you in a while," she admits._

_"I know."_

_"Chase, where have you been?" she asks._

_"I've been working, so can I give you a ride."_

_"Sure," she agrees. _

_He stops at her apartment complex. She smiles, nervously. He smiles back._

_"It was nice catching up."_

_The loneliness catches up with her, in an instant, "Would you like to come up? We could have a couple of drinks."_

_"Sure," he agrees. _

_He puts the car into park, and follows her into her apartment. _

Jane stops abruptly, and looks at her partner, who sits next to her, on the bed.

"Obviously this is significant," Frost guesses.

"Yes, it is. We were together everyday after that, until..." she trails off.

"Until when?"

_October 28th, 1999_

_She takes a seat at the bar. She's only been on the job for two hours, but her back aches, and her head throbs. Tony reaches for some booze, but she stops him._

_"Just give me some water," she tells him._

_"You sure?"_

_"I just need a drink of water."_

_"You feeling ok?" he asks her._

_"These last few months have been killer."_

_"Ever since you and Chase hooked up, you've been booked."_

_"Why is that? Does he have something do with it?"_

_"You know that he does. He's got connections."_

_"I guess," she shrugs. _

_She stares at the clock, on the wall, above the bar. As it ticks so does her mind. She thinks to herself. She wonders when this charade will end, so she can go back to her life. How much longer, until she can go back to the man that she loves. She had gathered enough information to take the whole operation down. Now, she had to wait. _

_"Jane, are you ok?" Tony asks again._

_"Just a little light headed. "_

_"You've got work to do," he reminds her._

_"I know."_

_The phone rings, and Tony grabs it._

_"Hello? Uh huh. Sure, I'll tell her," he hangs up the phone, and keeps his eyes locked on Jane._

_"The boss wants to see you in his office."_

_"Ok," she agrees._

_She trudges her way into the bosses office. _

_He watches as she walks into the room. He rises, to meet her._

_"Jane, close the door, please," he insists._

_"Ok," she agrees, "what's this about?" she questions as she closes the door._

_"Have a seat," he tells her. _

_"Ok," she complies._

_"I need to talk to you."_

_"About what?"_

_"Your boyfriend."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"We need to have a discussion."_

_"About what?"_

_"Chase."_

_"You said that. What about him?"_

_"How long have you known that he works for the FBI."_

_"What? What are you talking about?"_

_She hears a gun cock. She quickly realizes that she can't see her bosses hands, because they're below the desk._

_"Did you know?"_

_She swallows hard, "I had no idea. Are you being serious?" she wonders._


	8. Just The Beginning Of The Story

_"It has come to my attention that he works for the FBI."_

_"No, he doesn't," Jane argues._

_"He does. I can't understand why you would betray my trust. I gave you a job. I gave you clients, what did I do to deserve this betrayal."_

_"I had no idea. This is news to me."_

_"Why would you bring him in here?"_

_"He was here before I was," she points out._

_"He's probably been investigating us all along. He's using you to get to me."_

_"Why would he do that?"_

_"He wants to shut me down."_

_"Please put the gun down," she begs._

_"Jane I want the truth, are you in on this?"_

_Before she can answer there is a ruckus outside the door. The door busts open, and Tony comes in._

_"You better get out of here, now," Tony tells him._

_"What's going on out there?"_

_"Boston PD, and the feds are outside. We've got to go."_

_"Come on!" _

_The three of them head out of the office. They head for the back hallway. A door opens, and Chase steps in front of them, wearing a bulletproof vest._

_"Whoa, where are you going?" he questions the three of them, but remains focused on Jane. _

_Tony pulls out a gun, he turns it on Chase. Chase points the gun back. Not to be outdone the boss puts his gun to Jane's head. _

_Doors are broken down. Men charge in. There is a hail of gunfire. And everything fades to blackness._

Frost stares at Jane blankly, waiting for the rest of the story. He furrows his brows.

"That's it?"

"That's what I remember."

"What do you mean?"

"I was shot, in the process."

"Why didn't you know about them coming?"

"My phone was in my locker."

"Why?"

"Where else would I have put it?"

"Right. So then what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said that your fiance was murdered. When did that happen?"

"I'm getting to that."

"Go ahead."

"Patience," she insists.

"Just skip to that part."

"James Bennett managed to escape, along with some of his minions."

"Ok."

"When I was at the hospital my fiance came to visit me. In the mean time they found out I was a cop, and so..."

"They shot your fiance in revenge?"

"Yes," she nods.

"I see."

"And that's it."

"So that's why you took a three month leave of absence?"

"Excuse me?"

"You took a leave of absence until February 1st, 2000. You mourned for three months?"

"I got shot."

"It took you three months to recover? From a flesh wound?"

"Who said anything about a flesh wound?"

"I guess I just assumed."

"I got shot in the left shoulder. The bullet impacted between my heart and my brachial artery."

_October 31, 1999_

_She wakes up, in a hospital room. Her eyes pop open, and they wonder around the room. She begins to panic, but then she finds a familiar face. The man sitting in the chair next to her smiles._

_"Hi," he smiles._

_"Matt," her coarse voice greets._

_"I missed you," he takes her hand, and rubs the back of it._

_"I..." she begins._

_"It's ok," he tells her._

_"But..."_

_"I should probably let the doctor come in, and talk to you. We've been waiting for you to wake up."_

_"Wake up? How long have I been here? What happened?"_

_"It's Halloween," he tells her._

_"It was the..." she struggles to clear the fog from her mind, "28th."_

_"I know."_

_"What happened?"_

_"You got shot. The bullet hit you between your heart, and your brachial artery, and landed in your shoulder. You lost a lot of blood. You lost consciousness, and went into shock. Things were touch and go, for a while. I'm going to go get the nurse so she can..."_

_Jane cuts him off, "Don't go."_

_"I haven't showered in a couple of days. I'll be back in an hour. Ok?"_

_"I..."_

_"I promise," he tells her._

_"Ok," she relents._

_"I love you."_

_"Love you too," she says in pain._

_He leaves and the nurse comes in, and does an assessment. Before Matt can return the doctor comes in to talk to Jane. He looks at her harshly, and takes a seat. _

_"I'm doctor Porter," he announces._

_"Nice to meet you."_

_"How are you feeling?"_

_"Not so good."_

_"You were shot with a .38 caliber."_

_"That it explains it."_

_"There are some other things that we need to talk about, however," he begins._


	9. Heartbreak Warfare

_She looks at him, waiting for him to continue._

_"Jane, we ran tests when you came in."_

_"Ok?"_

_"You had a blood alcohol level."_

_"Ok?"_

_"Your blood alcohol content was a .20."_

_"Why are you bringing this up? I had been drinking. I..."_

_He cuts her off, making a realization, "You don't know. I find that hard to believe, considering, but..."_

_"Don't know what?"_

_He flips open his folder. He pulls out a piece of paper, and hands it to her. She studies the paper, and then her eyes fall on his face. She tries to scrutinize the look on his face._

_"I don't understand," she admits._

_"Jane, you're pregnant," he tells her._

_"No, I'm not," she argues._

_"You most definitely are," he assures her._

_"No, you're mistaken. I'm not. I can't be."_

_"Jane you are pregnant. We estimate gestation to be between thirteen and fourteen weeks."_

_"Wait...that's," her brain slowly begins to work on the figures._

_"About three and a half months."_

_"But..." she attempts to argue._

_He points to the picture that she's holding, "That is your baby."_

_"No," she shakes her head in disbelief._

_"You are."_

_"I... no..."_

_"I have to counsel you on the dangers of drinking while you're pregnant. It leads to..."_

_"I know what it leads to. I am... I didn't know," she tells him._

_"Do you drink regularly."_

_"Why does it matter?"_

_"The more you drink, the higher the risk."_

_"Right," she nods, still in shock._

_"The biggest risk is during the first trimester. You're already in your second."_

_"So if..."_

_"Continuing to drink can still have an effect on the fetus."_

_"Please don't preach to me."_

_"I am just giving you the facts."_

_"I didn't know," she tells him._

_Before they continue the conversation there is a knock on the door. _

_"Come in," the doctor answers._

_Vince Korsak steps into the room. The doctor quickly puts the picture back into the file._

_"Excuse me doc, I need to talk to Jane, in private, for a moment," he announces._

_The doctor leaves the room. Vince closes the door behind him. He takes a seat in the chair that the doctor has just vacated._

_"Jane, how are you doing?" he wonders._

_"Not so good."_

_"I have to tell you something," he adds._

_"I don't know how much more I can take."_

_"Jane something has happened."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"Jane... I don't know how to tell you this."_

_"If it's bad news I don't want to know. I've had enough of that today."You need to hear this."_

_"Hear what?"_

_"Matt..."_

_"Matt? Where is Matt? He was supposed to be back an hour ago," she informs him, looking at the clock._

_"Matt never made it."_

_"Never made it. What are you talking about?"_

_"Jane, Matt..." he trails off._

_"Matt what?"_

_"He's gone."_

_"Gone? What do you mean, he's gone?"_

_"He's dead Jane."_

_She furrows her brow, "No, that can't be. I just saw him. I just..."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_The floodgates open. Vince instinctively reaches out, to hug her._

_"No," she pushes him away, "Go!"_

Frost stares at her, silently. He tries to figure out what question he wants to ask first.

"You don't have a kid," he blurts out.

She looks at him, and says nothing, for what seems like an eternity.

"Do you?" he questions.

She slowly shakes her head, "No."

"What happened? Did you..."

_November 20th,_

_She looks at herself in the mirror. She scrutinizes her body, wondering, to herself. Would her mother notice? She hasn't seen her mother in over a year. She has been putting it off. She still hasn't even told her mother she's back. _

_She's waiting to go back to work. Time, that's what she needs to figure everything out. A dead fiance. A life turned upside down. A baby, on the way. A lot of drama, and for what? _

_She climbs into the shower. Her shoulder still aches, but the wound is healed over. The water hits her, and she stands perfectly still. She gets her hair wet, and reaches for the shampoo. It slips out of her fingers, and tumbles onto the floor of the shower. She looks down. She begins to reach for it, when she notices the blood that runs into the drain, along with the water. _

_She begins to panic. She looks at her shoulder, but it is intact. She quickly notices the blood streaming down her leg. She flips off the shower, and the panic grows._

_Hours later: She wakes up in the hospital. She finds herself in a hospital bed, hooked up to a heart monitor, and an IV. She looks up, and finds the doctor walking in the door. _

_He takes a seat next to her. He looks at her, sympathetically. _

_"Jane..."_

_"Don't," she begs._

_"I'm sorry. There wasn't anything that we could do. It just wasn't meant to be."_

_"Go, please, just go."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Doctor Porter, please leave. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to talk to anyone."_


	10. The Liar, And The Lover

"And I don't think that I've been completely sober since then."

Frost doesn't say a word. He just looks at his partner, completely uncertain what to say, or do.

"It's ok Frost, I'm over it."

"No you're not. I don't think that's something you ever get over."

"Just let it be," she insists.

He gets off the bed, and exits the room.

"Where are you going?" she hollers, after him.

He doesn't answer. She follows him out of the room. She finds him in the kitchen, going through her fridge, and cabinets.

"What are you doing?" she asks him as he begins to pour bottles down the drain.

"You're the best cop I know," he begins.

"Stop!"

He grabs her by the shoulders, "You're the best cop I know, and I would hate for you to throw it all away for something so stupid."

"I'm fine," she tells him.

"One day you're not going to be fine, and you're going to lose everything," he tells her.

"Frost, just let it go," she begs.

"No."

"Why not? Why are you doing this? Why did you start this? I don't understand."

He shakes his head, as he continues to empty bottles, "And you probably never will," he admits.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're going to stop. This ends today."

"I..."

"No. You're done. I know that you hurt. This is not the answer, though. I am not going to sit idly by, and watch you sacrifice everything, and for what? To drown your sorrows. Grow up, Jane. Start dealing with things, instead of burying them."

"I don't know how."

"Well, it's time to learn."

"Barry?"

He stops what he's doing and looks at her, "Why are you doing this to me?"

"To you? I'm doing this for you," he clarifies.

"Why? Why do you care?"

"Does Maura know about any of this?"

"No, why would I tell her any of this?"

"She's your best friend."

"She wouldn't be, if she knew. Why are you still here?"

"What do you mean?"

"After everything I've told you, about all of the horrible things that I've done. Why are you still here?"

"I'm your partner."

"No partner puts up with as much crap as you do. Why are you still here?"

"I don't think that you want to know."

"I have told you every terrible thing about me, and you can't tell me what you're still doing here? That's pathetic. Frost just tell me. Why do you put up with me? Why do you care?"

"Is this everything?" he avoids the question, and points to the sink.

"Yes," she nods.

"Are you lying?"

"Why would I lie?"

"Because apparently, you're an alcoholic."

"I wouldn't lie to you."

"Really? Cause it seems like you've been lying to me, all along."

"Frost, I'm sorry. I made a lot of mistakes, and I don't really like to talk about it."

"And why is that?"

"Do you have any idea how it makes me feel, to know what I've done?"

"I don't know."

"I had a fiance who loved me. He was the love of my life, and I cheated on him. I cheated on him, with a guy who was using me to build a case. A guy who ditched me, and took all the glory. He didn't even stop by the hospital, to see if I was still alive. Then, just when I think that the nightmare is over, I find out that it was only just beginning. In addition to waking up in the hospital, to find out that I've been shot, I find out that I'm pregnant. I was three and a half months pregnant, and I didn't know it. Do you have any clue what kind of damage can be done in that amount of time? I drank pretty much every day, for three and a half months. Before I can even process that I find out that my fiance has been murdered, and it's my fault."

"It wasn't your fault," Barry argues.

"It's all my fault, every bit of it. I got home from the hospital, and I didn't even tell my family that I was home. I didn't even go to Matt's funeral. I was too ashamed to even show my face."

"So you decided to drown your sorrows?"

"No. I had already screwed things up enough. I had already ruined enough lives. I knew that I couldn't take back what I had already done, but I was going to be damned if I didn't try to do everything else right. But it didn't matter. It wasn't meant to be, more like I didn't deserve any kind of a second chance. I didn't deserve a chance at redemption. After I..." she pauses, "after I screwed that up, too, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't stand myself."

"So you tried to drown yourself, in a bottle?"

"I didn't know what else to do. I am responsible for all of it."

"You think that the miscarriage was your fault?"

"Of course it was."

"Why do you think that?"

"Everything I did, caused it."

"Jane," he begins to argue.

"Frost, nothing you can say, is going to make me feel better."

"That was twelve years ago, you've got to let it go."

"Let it go? How?"

"Stop drinking, first of all. Then, move on with your life.""Move on with my life? How do you propose I do that?"

"One step at a time."

"I don't deserve to move on with my life."

"Yes, you do. Jane, everyone makes mistakes."

"Not like this," she disagrees.

"Maybe not, but everyone has regrets."

"Frost why are you trying to make me feel better?"

Before he can think twice, he blurts out, "Because I love you."


	11. Mishap

Jane stares at him with eyes the size of saucers.

"Excuse me?"

He tugs nervously, at the collar of his shirt, "You heard me."

"I think that I misheard you," she admits.

"You didn't."

"Oh. So how long has that been going on?"

"A long time," he answers.

"How long?"

"How long have we known each other," he shoots back.

"I don't understand. Why?"

"Do you have to ask why, to everything?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Jane you're not the only one who has secrets."

"And what is your secret, Barry? Wait... let me guess, you like to put your feet on the coffee table," she mocks.

"Mock all you want."

"What is your secret?"

"Actually, come to think of it, mine is more of a lie, than a secret."

"A lie? What did you lie about? Your name isn't really Barry?"

"That really is my name."

"So what then? You're a Yankees fan? You like figure skating?"

He is unable to keep himself from blurting it out, "We slept together."

"What are you talking about? You mean you slept at the foot of my bed, last night? That's not a secret, or a lie. I already knew that," she tells him.

"I wasn't talking about last night."

"Then when?"

"The other night," Barry responds.

"You slept in my bed, the other night?"

"I didn't sleep there," he admits.

"What are you saying?'

"He had sex."

"You said that nothing happened."

"I lied," he admits.

"Why?"

"I panicked. I didn't know what else to say."

"Why would you lie?"

"I didn't want for you to think that I took advantage of you, when you were in a vulnerable state."

"I don't think that. I do, however think that I would like to kill you right now."

"That's nice, because there is more."

"More? What else could there possibly be? You have confessed your love for me, and told me that we slept together. What else could you add to that? What else, do you feel needs to be added to that?"

"You're on birth control, right?"

She raises an eyebrow, "Why do you ask?"

"Yes, or no. It's a simple question."

"Why does it matter?" she wonders growing more concerned with each passing second.

"Answer my question first, please," he begs.

"Why?"

"Just humor me."

"No," she replies.

"No you won't humor me?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Or no, you're not on the pill, or the shot, or the ring, or the patch, or something."

"Yes."

"Yes, you are?"

"No."

"No to which one?"

"All of the above."

"Which question?"

"I'm not on anything," she clarifies.

"Why not?"

"Because I am not with anybody."

"But you could have a one night stand with somebody."

"I don't usually do that."

"You've never done that?" his cheeks begin to redden with nervousness.

"I have."

"You have?"

"Once," she reveals.

"You're sure, it was only once?"

"Yes," she nods.

"Maybe you just don't remember," he suggests.

"I don't leave the bar with anyone."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to wake up in the morning, with someone whose name I can't remember. That would be embarrassing."

"Yes, it would," he agrees, growing more anxious, with each passing second.

"What were you asking me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why were you asking me about birth control?"

"Because of a hypothetical situation."

"What hypothetical situation?"

"If you did have a one night stand, or..."

She cuts him off, before he can continue, "I would use protection. I have done a lot of stupid things, but I'm not reckless. I wouldn't do anything, without a condom."

"Right," he nods.

"Why?" she inquires.

"No reason," he lies.

"Wait, back up."

"To what?"

"We had sex?" she recalls what he's just told her.

"Yes."

"Why are you asking me if I'm on something? Why does it matter?"

"Because you're..." he begins.

She cuts him off, "Because I'm a thirty seven year old woman, who is married to the job, and doesn't bring anyone home?"

"Right," he nods.

"Frost, why are you squirming?" she asks, noticing that he is fidgeting.

"Jane, we had sex," he tells her.

"You said that, already."

"The other night, we had sex, and..." he stops abruptly.

"And?"

"It was unprotected."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me."

"This is un-flippin-believable. You can't be serious. You're just testing me, right?"

He hangs his head, in shame, "No."

"No?"

"We definitely had unprotected sex."


	12. Mistaken

Her hair is still wet, from her shower, as she stands on Maura's front porch. She knocks on the door, only half expecting Maura to answer. She hears footsteps, and Maura answers the door, in her pajamas.

"Jane? What are you doing here?"

"I should have called first."

"What's going on?"

"Can I come in?""Of course," Maura nods.

"Maura, I didn't know who else to come to."

"Jane, you're shaking."

"I know."

"What's wrong?"

"I am starting to go through withdrawal."

"What are you talking about?"

"Maura, there is a lot that you don't know about me. There are a lot of things that I hide from you, from everyone. I have gotten really good, at hiding things."

"Ok."

"I need help."

"With what?"

"Maura every day, for over a decade, I have drank."

"You have a tough job."

"No," she shakes her head, "I mean I drink."

"You have a beer, or two..."

Jane shakes her head, "No. I drink a lot. When I get home, I drink. I drink from the time I get home, until the time I fall asleep."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No," she shakes her head, "I don't know how to stop."

"You're joking, right?"

"About what?"

"Jane you're not an alcoholic."

"I am."

"I would know."

"No one knows, not even my own mother."

"Why are you telling me, now?"

"Because, I told Frost."

"Oh."

"And... he told me all of this stuff, and I don't know how to process it. I always just shut down, instead of dealing with things."

"But, it's Frost, so you can't?"

"Right," Jane nods.

"You want my help?"

"Do you know any..."

Maura cuts her off, "Do you have vacation, or sick days, to burn?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I don't want you to lose your job."

"What are you proposing?"

"I will help you."

"You can't. I don't expect that from you. Maura, it's going to get really ugly."

"That's ok. You're my best friend, and you would do the same for me."

Finally, after a week, Maura allows Jane to go back home. She escorts her home, to check for any alcohol.

"Maura check anywhere you want. I got rid of everything."

"You're an alcoholic."

"Don't trust me."

Maura goes over the apartment with a fine toothed comb. She checks every nook, and cranny. She finds nothing. She stops, in front of the couch, where Jane is sitting.

"Up!" Maura insists.

Jane gets off the couch. Maura pulls the couch cushions off. She finds nothing.

"Ok."

"Are you satisfied?"

"Yes," Maura nods.

"You had Frost come in before you, didn't you?"

"Yes," Maura admits.

"And?"

"He fished some bottles out of the toilet."

"Oh. I had forgotten about those."

"Jane, are you going to be ok, if I leave you here? Alone?"

"I can't have someone babysit me, everyday of my life."

"Ok, I'm going to leave you alone."

After a few hours of reading, and a hot shower, Jane climbs into bed. She turns out the light, and for the first time, in a very long time, she falls asleep, without craving a drink. An hour later her sleep is interrupted. She gets the sensation that someone is watching her. She carefully opens her eyes, and rolls over, to face the door. She sees the figure, standing in the doorway.

It moves towards her. She doesn't reach for her gun. She allows it to stop, next to her bed.

"Go back to sleep, I'm just checking in on you," he tells her.

"Frost, I'm fine."

"Goodnight," he leaves her alone, with her thoughts.

She lies in her bed, wide awake. She thinks about all of the things that she's done wrong. All of the chances she should have taken. As she begins to drift towards a state of unconsciousness, she keeps thinking of Frost.

His words echo in her head. The truth was, she had never really loved anyone. It wasn't that she hadn't tried, but she always let herself shut-down. Pushing people away, was better, than letting them get too close. Being alone, was better, than sharing a life with someone, who may choose to walk away.

She had chances, to be loved. To fall in love, with the one. Or, someone who had the potential, to be the one. The truth was, she didn't know how to be happy. She was afraid of being happy. Happiness is brief, especially to the undeserving, at least, in her mind. She was the least deserving of them all. And because of the mistakes she had made, the ones she can never forget, she never lets herself be happy. She runs from it, because it's bittersweet, and the moment is always fleeting.

She opens her eyes for a moment, to check the time, on her clock. She reaches over, to double check, that it's turned on. She feels a piece of paper, sitting next to it. She flips on the lamp. She finds a folded piece of paper, that wasn't there earlier. She opens it, and reads it to herself.

_Jane,_

_I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be around if you need me. Tonight, if you happen to need me, I'll be on your couch. _

_Barry_


	13. Drama

Jane wakes up, and pads into the kitchen. She is glad to have her apartment to herself. Frost stayed on her couch for three weeks. Finally, a week ago, he vacated the premises.

Jane yaws, and turns on the coffee maker, and waits for it to brew. Her elbows rest, on the counter. Her head rests, on top of the palms of her hands. Her baggy long-sleeved t-shirt stops, mid-palm. She wears a pair of boxers underneath. She focuses on the coffee pot, and Maura's words from the night before.

_She opens the door, and finds Maura. She shakes her head._

_"What are you doing here? I just got out of the shower. I was getting ready to go to bed," she reveals, with dripping hair._

_"I was just checking on you."_

_"Frost called you?"_

_"Yeah," Maura admits._

_"Maura, I am ok."_

_"Are you really?"_

_"I am not going to drink."_

_"How do I know that you're telling the truth?"_

_"Test my BAC in the morning."_

_"Jane, you should let him in."_

_"Who?"_

_"Frost."_

_"I have. Farther than I have ever let anyone."_

_"Don't push him away."_

_"Why are you here?"_

_"Jane, he..." she pauses._

_"He what?"_

_"He's worried about you."_

_"That's not what you were going to say, is it?"_

_"I think that he loves you."_

_"Like a sister."_

_"No, Jane, he is in love with you."_

_"I don't know how to do that."_

_"Do what?"_

_"Love him."_

_"Just let him, and the rest will come."_

_"And, if I don't feel the same?"_

_"I think that you already do, you're just afraid. You are scared that you will screw up, and disappoint him."_

_"Goodnight," she pushes Maura towards the door._

_"Goodnight," Maura leaves the apartment._

The aroma of coffee brings Jane back to earth. She reaches into the cabinet, and pulls out a mug. She checks to make sure that it's clean. She pours herself a cup of coffee. She takes a gulp of it. She swallows it. Instead of a temporary euphoric relief, she feels disgust. She nearly gags.

She dumps the remainder of the coffee down the drain. She pulls the coffee filter, and starts over. A few minutes later, she has a fresh new pot of coffee. She pours another cup. She takes a swig, and grimaces before swallowing. She dumps the coffee, and gives up. She checks the date on the coffee. She takes a whiff of it. She furrows her brow, and shakes her head.

"It tastes like dirt, I don't understand."

She closes the can, and moves to the fridge. She pulls a bottle of orange juice out. She pours a glass. She grabs a container of yogurt, and settles in, on the barstool, in front of the counter. She takes a drink of orange juice, and nearly spits it out. She gives up on breakfast, and heads to her room, to get dressed.

Her grumbling stomach reminds her that she's hungry, as she heads out the door. After her usual morning routine she finds her way to the morgue, hoping that Maura has completed her autopsy.

Maura is pushing the body into the cooler, when Jane arrives. Jane waits on Maura to deglove, and wash her hands. She stands next to the stainless steel counter.

"Do you have anything for me?"

"I do," Maura turns around, as she dries her hands.

"Anything that will help the investigation?"

Maura pauses, to look at Jane, "Are you feeling alright."

"I'm fine," Jane lies.

"You look pale."

"I'm fine, just tell me what you've got."

"Almost green."

Before the words are out of Maura's mouth Jane is bolting past her. She stops at the sink. Maura watches, in horror as Jane proceeds to vomit. After rinsing the sink, and her mouth out, Jane returns to her prior spot.

"Go ahead."

"I think that you should go home. You do not look well.""I'm fine."

"Jane, it's me. I don't buy it."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you sure?"

Maura picks up on Jane's anxiety, as Jane chews her cuticle.

"I..." she taps her foot, and shrugs, "I don't know."

"It's ok, if you do want to talk about it."

"My coffee tasted like dirt, this morning."

"Was..."

"Maura, there was nothing wrong with it. My orange juice made me gag. I didn't even touch my yogurt. I didn't even eat breakfast."

"Maybe you have a virus," Maura suggests.

"I don't think that it's a virus."

"Ok."

Jane's thoughts travel to her car ride to work.

_She stops at a red light, she notices a woman on the street pushing a stroller. She gets a nagging feeling at the pit of her stomach. She runs through a mental checklist. Altered taste, check. General sense of queasiness, check. Mood swings? Maybe. Tender... The light turns green. She feels a general sense of doom, as she accelerates through the light._

"Jane? Are you with me?"

"Sorry. I was just thinking about my drive to work."

"And?"

"And, I..." she trails off.


	14. Choices

"Jane?"

Jane surveys her surroundings. They are in the morgue, alone. There are people passing in the hallway. There is no sign of any of their co-workers. Jane finally exhales.

"I think that I might be pregnant."

"Oh," Maura nods, "Ok."

"Ok? It's not ok."

"We can find out."

"I..."

"Let me draw some blood, and we can find out."

"No need," Jane tells her.

"Why not?"

_Jane stops at a drugstore on her way to work. She sneaks into a bathroom, with a pregnancy test. She tosses the box into the trash can, and covers it with paper towels, to hide her tracks. She drops the stick into an evidence bag. The seams on the inside of her blazer, that are responsible for the pocket on the outside, seem like the perfect hiding place. She tucks it inside, and leaves the bathroom, in a hurry. _

Jane pulls the baggy out of her pocket, without looking at it. She holds it out to Maura, as if it's contaminated. Maura looks at her, in disbelief.

"What do you want me to do with this?" Maura asks as she accepts the bag from Jane.

"Just read it, to me."

"You know that these are not entirely accurate. They often result in false readings."

"Maura, I know that."

"And it's best to take it with the first morning urine."

"Maura, I know how to take one of them."

"And, you have to wait the proper amount of time for the results. People often don't wait long enough, and the results are..."

Jane cuts her off, "Maura, I took it an hour ago, just read it."

Maura stares at the plastic stick, inside of the clear plastic evidence bag.

"No lines," she comments.

"I know, it's digital. I didn't want my fate to be decided by a couple of blue lines."

"Ok."

"Maura, what does it say? Pregnant, or not pregnant."

"What do you want it to say?"

"I don't care."

"That is a lie."

"Maura, just tell me what it says."

"What do you want it to say?"

"If I'm pregnant, which I highly suspect that I am, things will be incredibly complicated, because it belongs to..." she trails off.

"Who?"

"It would just be complicated. And, if I'm not I will feel relieved."

"What are you going to do, if you are?"

"I don't know, yet."

"Fair enough."

"Am I, or not?"

"You are."

"Shit."

"What do you want me to do with this?"

"Throw it in biohazard."

"You don't want to keep it?"

"As a memento to my stupidity, no I don't think so."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, get rid of it."

"Ok," Maura nods, "Jane, do you want to talk about this?"

"Don't tell anyone."

"I won't, but you should."

"I should? Tell who?"

"No one, never mind."

"I knew that this would happen. I... I just want a freaking drink."

"Jane."

"I won't... but..."

"Go back to work. Deal with this, later."

"You're right. I need to focus on work."

But she can't because every time she looks at her partner, she wonders what their child will look like. Finally the day ends, and she gets on the elevator, to head home. The doors are nearly closed, and she thinks that she's home free. At the last minute Frost jumps on the elevator, with her. The doors close behind him.

"You ok?"

"Fine."

"You acted weird all day," he tells her.

"I have not," she argues.

"Jane, I'm your partner. You can't lie to me."

"I can."

"I know when you're lying, even if I don't know what it's about."

"You think?"

"Yes," he nods.

"Really?"

"Jane, just tell me, what's going on?"

"Nothing," she lies.

"It's not nothing. Clearly it's something."

"Why do you think that?"

"You chewed your fingers all day."

"Oh."

"You have a tell, you know."

"I know."

"And, you twirled your hair, all day."

"I didn't know you noticed."

"I did."

"I'm sorry."

"So, what's on your mind?"

"I have been thinking about cleaning, all day," she lies.

"Cleaning, what?"

"The toilet. I can't remember when the last time I cleaned the toilet was."

"You were obsessing about that, all day?"

"You know how obsessive I am, sometimes."

"I know you like to vacuum."

"I do. I'll see you tomorrow," she slips off the elevator, and makes a beeline for the door.

As she climbs into her bed, her thoughts go from having a baby, to having a drink. She tries to figure out which she wants more. The drink, was getting the winning vote, thus far. She closes her eyes, and tries her hardest to fall asleep.


	15. Over

She eventually falls asleep. She falls asleep, before she can wrestle a decision out of herself. She wakes up at a quarter til six. She glances at the clock, and rolls over. She tries to go back to sleep. Ten minutes later she wakes to the pain of excruciating cramps. She gets out of bed, and goes into the bathroom. She stares in horror, at the blood.

She calls off work, and waits to see her doctor. At eight on the dot, she gets called into an exam room. Her doctor comes into the room. The doctor says nothing to her. She simply begins the exam. She wears a grim look on her face, the entire time. After she finishes her exam she pulls off her gloves, and washes her hands. She looks Jane straight in the eyes.

"Do you understand what's happening?"

"Yes," Jane nods.

"How far along would you estimate you were?"

"Maybe six weeks."

"When did you find out?"

"Yesterday."

"I'm so sorry."

"Yeah. So am I."

"You are in the process of miscarrying."

"There is nothing you can do?"

"There is nothing that I can do, to stop it."

"Ok."

"We can do a D and C, or..."

"I don't want to do that."

"You realize that the whole process may take a while. I can't tell you exactly how long it will take for you to expel..."

Jane cuts her off, "I just want to go home."

"Ok," the doctor nods.

Jane leaves, and heads home. She contemplates stopping, on her way. Instead, when she arrives home, she makes a phone call. She leaves her door unlocked. She sits on the bathroom floor, as she dials a very familiar number.

"Frost?"

"It's Jane," she manages to get out, between sobs.

"Where are you?"

"I'm..." she begins to hyperventilate, "at... home."

"What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I know that you're working, but I need you."

"I'll be there in ten," he promises. He hangs up the phone.

In less than ten minutes she hears him, coming through the door. He closes the door, and calls out for her.

"Where are you?"

"In here," she calls out, in a weak voice.

He follows her voice into the bathroom.

"What's wrong?"

"I really want a drink, right now."

"What's going on?"

"Have a seat," she suggests, pointing to the toilet.

He closes the lid, and takes a seat. "What's going on?"

"I... yesterday, I lied to you.""I know," he responds.

"I took a pregnancy test."

"Oh."

"I found out that I was pregnant.""Oh."

"And this morning, when I woke up, I had cramps, and I was bleeding. I went to the doctor."

"Shh!" He joins her on the floor. He pulls her close. He pushes her hair off her face. It sticks to the tears on her cheeks. Her cheeks are red from crying. Her eyes are bloodshot. He kisses the top of her head.

"It's ok. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

She changes positions, allowing her head to rest in his lap.

"I didn't know what I wanted to do. I didn't want to tell you, yet.""It's ok, you don't have to apologize."

"And, now... I wish that I had."

"You can't change it."

"Yesterday I didn't know if I wanted a baby."

"And today, that is all you want?"

"Not all, but yes."

"What else do you want?"

"I just want you. I want you to stay here, with me, and never leave. I need you."

"Ok."

Jane swallows hard, "You know, this is going to get really ugly."

"I know."

"I haven't..." her voice cracks, "I haven't... yet."

"I'll be right here, the whole time."

"Are you sure? It's going to be really gruesome."

"I am not going to leave you. You do not have to do this, on your own."

"Ok."

Hours later, she's exhausted, and weak. She can barely climb out of the bathtub. She dries off, and pulls on the first clean clothes she can find. She sees him staring at the bathtub. He swallows hard.

"What do you want me to do with..."

"It's ok. I can take care of it," she argues.

"I'll do it," he insists, pulling on gloves.

She stares at the tub, full of water, and blood, and genetic material.

"Tell me what I need to do," he asks.

"Nothing, just drain the water."

"You don't..." he nearly chokes.

"The doctor can do genetic testing, but that would require for me to... save it. She gave me a specimen cup, but..."

"Do you..."

She cuts him off, "No. It's not necessary. Just pull the plug."

"Ok," he nods.

She sits on the lid of the toilet, as the water drains. Once it's drained he pours bleach into the tub. He scrubs it clean. When he's done he tosses the gloves, and pulls the trash. He takes the trash out. She hasn't moved when he returns. He washes his hands, and approaches her.

He lifts her off the toilet lid. He flips off the light, as they leave the room. He carries her, to her bed. He gently places her under the covers. He crawls in next to her. He gives her space. She reaches for his arm.

"Just hold me," she insists.


	16. Empty

He stays with her, all day, and all night. Friday turns into Saturday, and he doesn't go anywhere. He stays with her, all weekend. On Monday she wakes up, early. She watches him, as he sleeps.

"Go back to sleep," he whispers.

"I want to go to work," she tells him.

"Are you sure?"

"Work keeps me out of trouble."

"Jane, are you sure?"

"Yes," she nods.

"It's only four a.m., so go back to sleep."

"Barry?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he kisses her forehead.

"I want to tell you something."

"Can it wait until daylight?"

"No."

"Ok, what?"

"I love you."

She arrives at work, to whispers, and questioning looks. After a few hours she's had all she can take. She feels the need to escape, to somewhere safe. She considers leaving, and going to the Dirty Robber, and drowning her sorrows. Knowing, that she's come to far, to go back there, she decides to go to the only other place she can think of.

The morgue is dark, when she slips through the door. Maura is out to lunch. On the verge of a break down she lowers herself to the floor, in front of a cabinet full of medical supplies. It's dark, so she is confident that no one can see her. She pulls her knees to her chest, and the tears begin to fall. She tries to stifle her sobs.

Jane is so consumed by grief, that she doesn't hear the door open. Without warning the light flips on. She hears the sound of heels clicking on the tile floor. Maura stops, dead, in her tracks. She squats, and looks at Jane.

"What are you doing in here? Are you ok?"

"No," she shakes her head.

"Are you hiding in here?"

Jane simple nods.

"Why are you in here, by yourself, crying?"

She sniffles, "You were at lunch."

"I'm here now. Do you need to talk?"

"Yes."

"I'm all ears," Maura tells her, as she takes a seat on the floor.

"I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it."

"Ok. I assume it has to do with why you took three days off."

"Yes," Jane nods.

"Ok."

"Maura, everyone keeps looking at me. No one is talking to me. It's like they want to ask me something, but they won't. They won't ask me, why Frost was conveniently off, the same three days that I was."

"I don't think that you have to worry about that."

"What do you mean?"

"He told everyone that on Thursday night the two of you had Thai food. He said that you were both down for the count, because you had the worst case of food poisoning, in recent history."

"Oh."

"Is that what happened?"

"No," Jane shakes her head, wiping her tears on the palm of her hand.

"That's alright."

"No, it's not."

"Do you want to talk about it? I can see that you're having a hard time, dealing with whatever happened. Sometimes it's better to talk about it, than keep it all inside."

"Heaven forbid I bottle anything up."

Maura almost smiles, despite her friend's emotional state.

"What is wrong with me? Now is not the time to joke."

"What's going on?"

"I..."

"Is it about the baby?"

The question nearly sends Jane into hysterics. She swallows hard, and answers, "There is no baby," before starting to cry, again.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know. I thought..."

"Anymore," she clarifies.

"Oh. I see. You told Frost?"

"I didn't want to go through it alone."

"I understand."

"I just wish that I had been able to make the choice, on my own. I hate not being in control."

Maura makes the realization of what Jane is telling her, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be, there wasn't anything anyone could do."

"But, that's not what you think. I know the game you're playing, in your head. Stop. It wasn't your fault."

Jane argues, "You don't know that."

"Yes, I do."

"If I had done things differently..."

"No, you are not going to go down that road. It wasn't your fault."

"I'm never going to believe that," she admits.

"Why don't we get off the floor?"

"You're getting cold?"

"It's dirty."

"Ok," Jane agrees.

They push themselves off the floor. Jane just looks at Maura. Maura doesn't say a word, she just envelopes Jane, in a hug. Jane doesn't resist. Finally Maura lets go.

"You should have called me. I would have come."

"It's ok. Frost came."

"He did?"

"Yes. He stayed with me, all weekend."

"Good."

"I'm glad that he was there, with me."

"How did he handle things?"

"I was surprised."

"Did you tell him, that you were glad he was there?"

"Yes," Jane confirms.

Maura turns around, and grabs Jane a tissue. She hands it to her.

"What's this for?"

"You have mascara all over the place."

"I knew putting mascara on this morning, was a mistake."


	17. Challenge Accepted

The days turn into weeks, and the weeks to months. She finds herself, lying in bed, in the middle of the night, wide awake.

"Go to sleep," he tells her.

"Why are you still here? I thought I told you to leave."

"I thought that I told you I'm not going anywhere."

"But, why? I can't give you what you want," she answers, in the darkness.

"All I want is you."

"Why? I'm broken. I am an alcoholic cop..."

"You are complicated," he corrects her.

"Why do you put up with me? I am never going to understand."

"That is complicated, and highly classified," he teases.

"I see."

"Go to sleep."

"You know that I don't sleep."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"You do, you just won't."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Anything? Instead of keeping it all inside, just let me in."

"I never wanted this."

"What?"

"Us. I never wanted us."

"I know."

"I never wanted any of it."

"I know that."

"All I ever wanted was to be a cop."

"I know."

"I was so busy trying to reach that dream, that I lost sight of everything else. I made everything else..."

"You were alone."

"I isolated myself, because..."

"You didn't want to get hurt, again. I understand that."

"Why are you so nice to me?"

"It's my job."

"You're my partner. Your job is to be real, not to be nice."

"I love you, now go to sleep."

She doesn't respond. She rolls onto her side, away from him, and closes her eyes. He scoots over to her, and wraps his arms around her. She doesn't protest. She wakes in the morning to the smell of breakfast. She climbs out of bed, and finds Barry making her breakfast. He place the two plates on the counter, and then escorts her to her seat.

"You want to go on a run this morning?" he questions.

"You know that I hate running," she tells him.

"What else do you suggest that we do?"

"I don't know," she shrugs.

"It's the weekend, we can do anything we want."

"Until they call is in because of a dead body," she responds.

"Let's go out of town for the weekend," he suggests.

"And do what?"

"Whatever you want."

"Like what?"

"I don't know," he shrugs, "site see."

"I don't want to site see."

"What do you want to do?"

"I do too," she tells him.

He furrows his brow, "You do too? What are you talking about?"

"Never mind," she looks away, picking at her eggs.

"You can't even say it?"

She breaks eye contact, and looks down at her plate. "It's not that. I just, feel..."

"Feel what?"

"You're my partner. I'm not supposed to have feelings for you. None of this was supposed to happen. I feel like I don't deserve you. I..."

"Jane, I'm not going anywhere, no matter how hard you try to push me away."

"I love you too," she tells him.

He smiles widely, as she looks at him. "I know. Now, what are you going to say to try to push me away, or scare me off? Nothing you can say, or do is going to work."

"Let's get married," she jokes.

"Ok."

"Ok? You're not supposed to say ok. You're supposed to tell me that I'm crazy."

"You are, but I'm crazy about you."

She fakes a gagging noise, "You're going to make me sick. We are not two love sick high schoolers."

"Marry me," he asks.

"No. I'm not going to marry you. It would never work. You're my partner, first of all. Second of all, how are we going to get married, without anyone finding out. Thirdly, how in the hell are we going to get married to each other, and spend the rest of our lives together, when we can't even agree on a toothpaste."

"I use mine, you use yours," he answers.

"Be serious."

He wipes off his mouth, and puts his napkin on the counter. He stands up, from his seat, and then gets down on one knee. He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a box.

"Marry me," he looks her in the eyes, opening the box.

"What are you doing? Where did you get that?"

"It was my grandmother's ring," he answers.

"Why is it in your pocket?"

He smiles, "I wanted you to have it."

"Why?"

"Are you going to marry me, or not?"

"If the ring fits," she jokes.

"Challenge accepted," he rises. He pulls the ring out of the box, and slips it onto her finger. It fits perfectly.

"Shit."

"Go pack a bag, woman, we're getting hitched," he laughs.

"Where would we even go? Wait a minute, you probably already have it all planned out."

"Go pack a bag."

"You seriously want to get married, today?"

"It's seven am, we have all weekend off. I already know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. What's the problem? You hate commitment?"

"No I don't," she argues.

"Then prove it."


	18. Married

She wakes up, the following morning, in a bed, and breakfast, in a small town in Connecticut, two hours from Boston. She opens her eyes, and the first thing that she spots is the ring on her finger. She rolls onto her other side, and finds Frost lying in bed next to her. He stares at her, in silence.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"I was just trying to figure something out."

"What's that?"

"The fact that you just married me."

"Shut up."

"As wonderful as this has been, we have to go."

"What are you talking about?" she raises an eyebrow.

"You didn't hear the phone ring?"

"No."

"We have to go."

"Boston is a two hour drive."

"Get dressed," he tells her.

She slides out of bed, and quickly pulls on the first thing that she can find. She tosses their belongings into their bags as they get dressed. He grabs the bags, as they head for the door, and tosses her the keys.

"The way you drive it won't take two hours."

She rolls her eyes. He quickly checks them out, and they jump in the car. She tosses the bags in the trunk.

They arrive at the crime scene in an hour and fifteen minutes. She pulls the key out of the ignition.

"Wait," he tells her.

"What?"

He points to his finger, as he slips his ring off. He puts it in his pocket.

"Oh," she slips hers off, and hands it to him. He slips it in his pocket too. They get out of the car, and make their way to the crime scene. They're the last to arrive.

As they step into the crime scene, there is blood everywhere. It looks as if a bomb has gone off. No one mentions them being late. Everyone is too busy working to notice them. They're all busy the entire day, trying to catch the monster who murdered three people in an alley early one Sunday morning.

Three seemingly innocent people killed in cold blood, on a chilly Boston morning. Before dawn, while two partners lie in bed at a bed and breakfast hours away, a sick, twisted, individual managed to kill three people, and return these to detectives to reality.

When they get home, he proceeds upstairs, as she stops to check the mail. She closes the door behind herself, locking it too. He sits on the couch, in silence. She looks at him. They both feel emotionally drained. He places his hand on the breast pocket of his jacket. He pulls out two rings. He puts one on his finger, and holds the other out to her. She approaches him, and takes it from him. She slips it on her finger. She takes a seat, on his lap. A smile slowly creeps across his face.

"Days like today, make me realize how lucky I am to have you. I am so glad that I get to come home to this, everyday for the rest of my life," he begins.

"Why? I am a mess. I'm complicated, and..."

He cuts her off, "All I've ever wanted."

"I love you."

"I love you more."

She doesn't argue. "I know."

"We should tell the lieutenant."

"Not tonight."

"When?"

"When it's a matter of have to."

"He's going to have our asses."

"I don't care," she admits.

"What about everyone else?"

"I love you," she answers.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I am not ready to tell everyone."

"Why not?"

"I want to keep you all to myself."

"What about Maura?"

"She can't keep a secret."

"Why don't you want to tell anyone? Are you ashamed of me?"

"No."

"You never take me in public," he whines.

"I spend every moment of every day with you. Isn't that enough?"

"I want to shout 'I love you' from every roof-top. I want to tell the whole world."

"I do too, but we can't. We're partners. If we want to stay partners, it has to be this way. If ever there comes a time where we are safer not to be partners, or safer, if people know, then we will tell everyone."

"We can't keep it a secret forever."

"I need more time," she begs him.

"What about your mother? She deserves to know."

"She's just below Maura, on the list of people, who are good at keeping secrets, and that is just depending on what the information is, and what day of the week it is."

"You should tell her."

"Me? You're in this too."

"I assume that at some point you want to..."

"To what?"

"Attempt to have a child," he locks eyes with her, hoping that he hasn't pushed her too far.

"I do," she admits, quietly, "But I'm not ready for that yet. I need time."

"How much time?" he wonders.

"We should wait a while. We need to enjoy being married. At least a year," she responds.

"Ok."

"But?"

"I still think we need to tell your mother, even if we don't tell anyone else."

"Let me think about that one."

"Is there anything I could to do persuade you?"

She smiles, "You could try."

"I would start about here," he tells her, kissing her neck.

"That is as good of a place as any."

She quickly, without much movement removes the gun from her hip, and places it on the coffee table. She slides his off his belt, and lies it next to his. They toss their badges aside. A trail of clothing, shows the way to the bedroom.


	19. The Tell

That winter turns into spring. Spring progresses, and even though questions are raised, nobody puts all of the pieces together. He's in the living room, playing Madden, in his boxers. She comes into the room, and flips the TV off.

"What did you do that for?"

"Come on," she insists.

"Come on? Where are we going?"

"You need to get dressed."

"What do I need to get dressed for? It's Sunday. We don't have anywhere to go."

"Please."

"You're going to your mother's for dinner," he reminds her.

"It's almost time for me to go."

"Ok."

"You're coming with me."

"Why?"

"Maura is out of town, and my brothers are at a baseball game?"

"You can't face her on your own?"

"I want to tell her."

"What?"

"I am ready to tell her."

"Give me fifteen minutes, and I'll be ready. I need to take a shower."

"You've got ten."

He nods. He's in and out of the bathroom, completely dressed in nine, and a half. She furrows her brow, when he comes out.

"What is that look for?"

"That's what you're wearing?" she responds.

"What's wrong with this?"

"A suit, and tie? Really?" she raises an eyebrow.

"What do you want me to wear? Just because you're wearing a t-shirt doesn't mean that I have to."

"Are you saying that I look sloppy?"

"The one of the things that I love about you is how great you can look with no effort."

"I can change, into a pair of sweats," she warns.

"Don't be cranky," he argues.

"Fine."

"Can we go?"

* * *

><p>The drive to Maura's is completely silent. Jane drives. Frost fiddles with the radio the entire time. Jane pulls into Maura's driveway, and puts the car into park. Barry reaches for the door handle. Before he can manage to get the door open it locks. He turns and looks at his partner. His wife shakes her head.<p>

"What?" he questions.

She places a gold band in his hand. He nods, as she slips on her ring finger.

"Are you sure about this?" he inquires, as she unlocks the door.

"Yes," she nods.

"I love you," he reminds her, as they exit the car.

She doesn't knock on the door. She just goes in. He opens the door for her. Angela is standing in the dining room, carefully arranging the plates. She looks up, and finds Jane, and Frost, standing in front of her.

"Jane, I didn't know that you were bringing Frost. I just made macaroni, and cheese. I didn't get out the nice china. I'll set another place. Barry, what would you like to eat? I can make something else," Angela rambles.

Frost slips off his blazer, and shines her a charming smile, "I don't need fine china to eat off of. Mac and cheese is just fine with me."

"Ok," Angela nods. She steps into the kitchen, to grab another plate, and set of silverware.

They sit down around the table. They begin their meal in silence. Jane focuses on her plate, as does her husband. Angela looks at them subtly. Finally she clears her throat, and addresses the elephant in the room.

"I am surprised that you brought anybody," Angela looks at Jane.

"I should have told you," Jane admits, "but I decided at the last minute."

"You didn't have any better plans?" Angela aks Frost.

"I never pass up the opportunity to eat your cooking," he compliments her.

"So you decided to call, and invite him?" Angela directs at Jane.

"No," Jane shakes her head.

"No? Jane, you know that I hate surprises."

"Jane, can we just tell her?" Frost wonders.

Jane nods, putting down her fork. She reaches for a drink, for proceeding. Angela notices the ring on her finger.

"What's going on? Jane why are you wearing an engagement ring?"

Jane quickly retracts her hand. Barry looks at her, and then at the table, avoiding Angela's gaze.

"Is there something going on between the two of you? Is there something that I should know?"

"Yes," Frost admits.

"Yes? What? The two of you got engaged? Are you kidding me? I didn't even know that the two of you were dating."

"We're not engaged," Jane answers.

"What a relief the two of you are not ready for that. Wait, is there something going on, that I should know about?"

"Mom, we have been together for a while."

"What?" Angela furrows her brow, "How long?"

"Months," Jane admits.

"Months? How many?"

"It doesn't matter," Jane responds.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" Angela replies, clearly hurt.

"We weren't ready to tell anyone. You are the first person that we're telling," Frost reveals.

"Why me?"

"Because you deserve to know," Jane exhales.

"Because you deserve to see your daughter happy," Barry adds.

Angela locks eyes with him, "If you make her happy, that is all that matters to me."

"Good, ma, I am glad that you said that."

"Why?"

"Because we're married," Jane drops the bombshell.

"You got married, without telling me? Are you pregnant?"

"No," Frost quickly answers.


End file.
